&&Another night and I can't sleep. I blame the naps I took today, I can't let myself sleep from 3 to 5 pm! I think finishing this post will take a lot off of my mind and let me finally sleep.
HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN KYLIE<3
Today is my sister's sixteenth birthday. Funny how that works isn't it? I turned around and she wasn't five years old anymore. She's got the exact same hands though, I could never stay mad at her when she showed me those cute little hands!
Anyway, I've been dealing with some seriously low morale as of late. It didn't occur to me that when I started running again, I wouldn't just be able to jump back in to my old comfort zone of six or seven miles a day. I mean I knew I'd have to go slowly at first, but I thought I'd be able to jump back up more quickly. As it happens, I lost a lot of physical fitness ability. It's hard to only run a 5k when my heart is with long, long, looonnng distances. At that distance, the endorphins have barely started pumping (because I wasn't ready to speed up, I just wanted to make it) and the pain has barely left. There isn't anything truly joyous in it, and there's no addiction factor.
I never faced the idea that it would take such small steps to come back I guess. I don't feel quite like myself yet. It's completely and utterly demoralizing to not be able to do what I could yet. I'm working on it, but honestly, it's been hard. I got on the treadmill again, and it was like I had never run on one before. I'm only doing ten minute stretches of intervals, which are between six miles per hour and around six and a half, with a few seconds of seven. The first time, I just hopped on the treadmill thinking I would do five sets of 3x2 with my slowest speed at 5.9 mph (always averaging six mph). Well, let's just say I'm not there yet. But then I remembered that when I started playing with treadmill intervals (last year, because I was always scared of the treadmill!), I started with walking and running, not just running with varying speeds.
It really is back to the beginning. I want to get back up to at least a few six mile runs before training for Nashville starts, that way I can still feel a bit like my old self. It's difficult. Thoroughly difficult, because I'm letting my thoughts and expectations get in the way of true improvement. I know I'm not the only one who has felt like this, which is why I'm sharing this now. This is me, at this moment in my life, trying to face one of my demons. And it's hard. If there's one thing I know for sure though, it's that the rush of long distance running is completely worth the wait. I'm going to try to be grateful.
Speaking of being grateful, here is something I hope to never take for granted again: